The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning
about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted
Disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous
and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been
screwed for the prior 4 years, in spite of having taken
measures to protect themselves from this especially
troublesome disease. Cognitive sequelae of individuals
infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not
limited t anti-social personality disorder traits; inability
to tell the truth, delusions of grandeur with a distinct
messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English
language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to
incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia;
inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional
cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography
and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical
theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical,
all-or-nothing behavior.
 
The disease is sweeping Washington, trailer parks,
and the red states. Naturalists and epidemiologists
are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease
originated only a few years ago from a Texas Bush!

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:

"Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning.

And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem.

You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.

Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap.

And

I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps! You want me to
do all of this and yet you expect me...... NOT TO PRAY?“