Fifteen things to do at Wal-Mart while your
spouse/partner is taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at

5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an
official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares' and see what
happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's
on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell
other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring
pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to
cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me
alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a
mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask
the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, say "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,
assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's
those voices again!!!!"

And last but not least

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a
while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper
in here!"